Women Do Help Each Other
I was clothes shopping the other day. I desperately wanted someone to tell me if the sweater I tried on was too tight. I stepped out of the dressing room and both women in the hallway were quick to tell me the sweater was a little tight but the color was fabulous.
I was recently asked by a reporter, “Why do women sabotage each other?” I have experienced some women who betrayed my trust. I have experienced many more women, including strangers, who were willing to help the moment I asked them. Many even helped when I didn’t ask.
Two strange women approached me in the train station in Milan, Italy. I had taken a train from the mountains in Switzerland hoping to get to Florence. The route had me changing trains four times where I had to climb up and down stairs hauling two huge pieces of luggage while trying to decipher signs in a language I could not read. I missed one connection, got thrown off of first-class on another (I had no idea which car to board) and ended up in Milan feeling lost and alone.
As I stood on the platform trying to figure out what train to take through the tears welling in my eyes, two women sandwiched me and forced me to walk to a food kiosk. Before I could scream, one said, “Don’t be such an easy target.”
The other asked me where I was going. When I told her, she located the train I was supposed to take and explained what I needed to do to exchange my ticket for a new one.
When I finally caught my breath, they told me that any woman traveling alone carrying huge suitcases, a big purse and a look of confusion would quickly lose something important to them. I should be more careful with my belongings and stand more confidently when I stopped to regroup.
Who says women don’t help each other? Let’s tell more stories about how we do support each other so people will stop saying we don’t.
My story: sitting at my computer with my jaw locking and a sense of technical incompetence draining my energy in the last hour. I tweeted my dilemma, and within seconds, my friend Abbie Fink had tweeted back with an answer. Abbie is a pr professional and social media expert who can charge big bucks for her expertise, but she shared it with me freely across cyber space because she can. She helped!
I think in the 80s and 90s, high achieving women in the workplace developed a reputation for flying solo. We didn’t network well, but I know you and I both agree Marcia, that it’s because women at that time were new to the game. We didn’t have the experience men did in being collegial even while vying for promotions. I’m so glad to say I think we’ve evolved!
I could go on about this all day, but I’m so glad you posted this. I loved the story of the women who helped you–both when you were lost and in jeopardy you might not have realized, and when you were simply in peril of making a fashion faux pas! I’m very proud of, and hopeful for, womankind!
I think you’re right, Mimi, that the needs to be overly protective and to act like a man are going away. So many of my female clients in companies love mentoring others to help them avoid making the mistakes they made. It is refreshing.
Thanks for helping to debunk the stereotype of women sabotaging each other. I agree that women are much more apt to try to mentor others to save them from the consequences of mistakes, or from the regret of missed opportunities, that the mentor might have already lived through.
Thanks also for passing along the advice that you received while traveling in Milan. That slice of wisdom is certainly applicable to many situations: “stand more confidently when you stop to regroup!”
I am sure many women are willing to help, it would be interesting to know, why there are still some out there, that feel threatened by another woman. It is much easier to lend out a hand and help each other, but in my community, I have felt that it will depend on how much you shine. I work in a brokerage firm in Mexico. Maybe it is the culture in the country..If you work together you achieve more and gives you more knowledge. What is necessary to change that?
Hi Ale, my understanding is that these less women feel confident about themselves and their choices, the more they compete with other women. This is both an issue for the women themselves and for the company culture that limits women, doesn’t focus on development, and promotes fear and competition. Maybe that’s the case in your company? Yes, working together means greater productivity and a more pleasant working environment. Hopefully, more company leaders will understand this even if they are struggling economically. The best we can do right now is to model the behavior we want to see and keep advocating for a more collaborative, productive environment.
