Recently, a coach told me that my parents abused me.
She didn’t mean I was physically abused. She didn’t mean I was psychologically abused through demeaning words or behavior.
She said I was abused because the my parents gave me their love on a conditional basis. The condition was that I would excel at everything I do.
Now I do believe my parents loved me. However, after a long debate, I opened up to understand her perspective.
In their attempt to help me have the best opportunities in my life, especially as a woman, they failed to show me that they loved me, including what wasn’t perfect in what I did and what was beautiful in who I was. I’m not even sure I could define who I am apart from my accomplishments until I was an adult.
I intellectually understand this, and can emotionally forgive them. Yet psychology, I wonder if this is still the reason I struggle to relax and to let myself have mindless fun, other than to go to the movies where I can be distracted.
I often say that I have to “take myself out” to chill out, meaning I have to go to the mountains or to some other remote location, which could be as far away as Africa, before I will disconnect from my work and my email.
A psychic once asked me, “Who is chasing you?” She saw me like a little hamster on a wheel with no end in sight.
I am grateful for my partner, Karl, who helps me let go and just be. He is definitely a light at the end of my daily tunnel.
So I have this awareness. I am taking steps to be softer and to slow down to be more present in the glorious moments of my life. Do you have any suggestions to share? I would love for you to post what you do to cast off your burden of greatness.