What Kind of Pain Do You Feel?
I always hear at least one great quote from each episode of Grey’s Anatomy. In this year’s season opener my favorite quote was, “It’s not dying pain, it’s healing pain.”
I love this distinction. There are so many times in our lives where we feel as if life is falling apart. Relationships crumble, businesses stumble, and everything in the house seems to break down at once. Generally we stay busy holding ourselves together. If there is a moment to stop, we may fall into the pain. How far do you fall?
If you feel like dying, then you fall hard. You may feel like life won’t get better. You feel like you’re losing the fight.
If you can instead sense that your pain is a healing pain, that you are overcoming roadblocks that always stand in the way of joy, then you can allow yourself a good cry before you pick yourself back up and move on. Sometimes it take the breakdown–being knocked to your knees–before the breakthrough can happen.
Life always presents change, which may bring losses as well as wisdom and eventually, opportunity. If you can move to the center of the swift-moving river instead of trying to hang on for dear life, your pain will heal you.
This lesson is essential for high-achievers who don’t fall down too often. In the previous three to five years, life seemed to be on an upward swing for most of my clients. This last year tripped many of us, knocking the wind out of our sails (and sales) and out of our hearts. I have seen people experience what they thought was dying pain in the past year.
Yet this year is also presenting an amazing possibility for renewal. Many of us are re-creating our work and our lives to better align with our passion. We are re-assessing work values and well as life values. We are wondering if being so busy is worth it. Now is the time to rekindle dreams and connections. The pain is real but is part of the healing.
We can’t escape the pains of life. We can control how we live with these pains.
• How long will you feel like everything is falling apart?
• How quickly can you feel the pain of healing?
• Do you have any suggestions for making the shift? Please share them here.
Let the healing begin.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I truly was just in the midst of a pain-healing conversation with myself about my business, its focus and my sense of purpose. This could not have been more timely.
My added thought would be that we need to share our pain. Animals don’t hide when they’re molting. We need to continue to be in community as we move through each stage of our development, yet something in us makes us want to appear new, shiny and successful all the time. The reality is that a lot of time is spent in various stages of painful development. So I think we should grab a pain buddy and enjoy the ride.
Marcia…well you be my pain buddy?
As a coach, I couldn’t agree with you more, Mimi, that telling the truth about what we are experiencing in the moment is a great way to put perspective on what we see as reality. And it’s a good step on the road to recovery. We should do it with each other. Companies should have these conversations with their employees too, don’t you think?
Marcia, another great article. Thank you! This year has been an interesting one, at best. My business has suffered tremendously due to the fact that I have not been able to work at it. I have always been a hard charging businesswoman, and prided myself on my health and taking care of myself. The year started with a tonsillectomy (long recovery for a 48 year old), then got back into the gym, only to injure myself working out with a young personal trainer and finally, currently healing from Viral Meningitis. I know there is a message here for me this year. What I did do this year is not listen to my body and work/charge through my pain or illness. Not a wise choice on my part because it set me back even further in my healing process. I have learned to listen and cherish my body. It is the only one I have and if I am not at my best or in pain how can I help others? This is has taught me how to be quite, relax… work on the important things, like healing.
Marcia, thank you for the great article and the powerful insight to shift the pain from destructive to constructive. Pain happens. Life happens. Change happens. The perspective taken can make such a huge difference. Looking back at the pain in my life, I am so grateful now for the biggest, hardest ones and completely agree that the realization that growth can feel uncomfortable, even painful, is quite an empowering way to experience it.
Having an empowered point of view doesn’t stop me from feeling hurt, but it keeps the hurt from stopping me so that I can continue to grow through it and expand my understanding of self and others. Thanks for helping me put this to words! 
Marcia, Thank you for your article and thank you Lori for putting it on facebook so I could read it. Last three years have been very rough lost sister,brother-in-law,and best friend. Tried to heal sister failed gained extra pounds and wore down, the cancer won. Then Maureen (best friend) got cancer we won the battle the first time it came back again more pounds gained as she dwindled away only to die of cancer and me even more wore down mentally and physically.It was all I could do to keep up with what I had to do. I was sick and couldn’t seem to heal and didn’t have the motivation to do much but just enough to get by. Now I am dealing with the pain,hurt,and anger.I realized that all that I felt was real and ok but now,I have things that I need to do and one of them is to take care of me and get me strong again so if needed I can be there to help someone I love again, for my family and for me!Thank God my family was there!
Hi Tobi,
I am sure you have experienced both dying and healing pain. Helping others deal with their pain is draining, exhausting and often feels like dying too. And I can feel the depth of your gratitude for your family. What a gift. I wish you strength and compassion and to forgive yourself when it feels like too much to bear. You are on a hero’s journey. When you return, you will be there to give again to those you love.
