The Light and the Dark Sides of Being Smart and Assertive
The difference between what is considered masculine and feminine in the psychological research is changing. The traits of decisiveness and assertiveness used to be attributed to men. I’ve even heard male leaders say that women need to be more decisive and bold in meetings if they want to be seen as leaders.
From my research and my experience with my coaching clients, I find more and more women to be
- Quick thinkers
- Solution finders
- Action-oriented, meaning work always gets done on time or before expected
- Opinionated, and can argue well for what they believe
- Passionate, which also helps them argue for what they believe
- Convincing, they back up their arguments with facts or good reason
Hooray for the emergence of smart, strong, decisive and assertive women.
And as I also discovered with the women I work with, for each strength there is a blindspot. Can you find yours in each of the strengths named above? For example:
- Quick thinkers often judge those who like to contemplate to be incompetent.
- Solution finders take on all the work, not allowing other people to learn.
- Too much action depletes time for reflection.
- Strongly-held opinions block out new possibilities (if you already know the answer then there is nothing new to see).
- Passion can be overwhelming, pushing people away instead of engaging them.
Celebrate the strengths you have developed!
Then be conscious of your affect on the people around you. Listening more and practicing patience can make you even stronger when you go to battle.
Finally, give yourself the gift of silence and reflection at least once a month. Time goes by so quickly, you want to make the best of it.
When we get to know ourselves, both the light and the dark sides, we can make better choices in the moment.
Do you have a story to share? Please post it at here so we can learn together.
Marcia:
I feel proud to be a working, proffessional woman. I consider that in my country (Mexico) a hard working woman struggles much more, because men are supposed to be the ones that should be successful. If you have all the mentioned attributes, you are not very welcome, because you represent a threat to what they believe is correct. Susscesful women are mean, not efficient (in mens eyes)
I find myself to be very passionate and sometimes I have to stop and let them believe that it is their idea, or make myself go slowlier among some circumstances, in order to have less problems at work. The sensitive part about women, also makes me protect my feelings against attacks that will sometimes hurt myself esteem.
I guess it is a matter of culture and that we keep working to show them, that we can all work as a team, and that we are no threat to them, just because we are women. It is weird for them to accept that a woman showed better results than men… More women are taking action, it is just as you mention, we have to stop and think whre we are weak and keep working on doing better.
Regards
Ale, I think you articulated what women are still facing everywhere in the world, even in the United States. So we do have to be strong and careful in our communications. And we have to deflect judgment, not taking it personally as we strive to accomplish what we know is right. I stand with you and wish you great success.
Marcia,
Great article! With everything in life there is a positive and a negative side depending on one’s perspective. There is a huge misconception in business that women must be more like men in order to succeed. The truth is that women should be just who they are and not be penalized for it, whether they display traditional feminine or masculine traits. I believe that women are inherently more assertive than they allow the world to see. After all, when we were little girls we were so often told that being assertive was unbecoming.
Marcia,
Great article. I like how you identify blindspots that people may have. Lately I have been working with the idea that what people perceive as weaknesses may actually be overused strengths. There is nothing to fix just back off a bit from using your strength so passionately. What you have illustrated in this article is just that.
